Self-Monitoring

You just finished a super important meeting with the CEO of the company you work for. You wore your most impressive suit, laughed at all their jokes, and asked them about their summer plans. As you leave the meeting, you realize your face is tired from smiling so much, and your shoulders are sore from keeping good posture. You're relieved to be back with your close colleagues, where you can relax and don't have to think so carefully about your words. 

This is a classic example of self-monitoring, where we adapt our behavior depending on the social context. To navigate society successfully, to a certain extent, we need to be aware of how our conduct might impact the outcome of our interactions. While it comes naturally to some people, self-monitoring can also be refined in order to improve your interpersonal skills and self-awareness. High self-monitoring may align with someone's extroverted personality, but high or excessive self-monitoring may also stem from social anxiety, leading people to overanalyze their behavior and that of others. On the other hand, low self-monitors usually value individualism and attempt to resist conformity; and while this can indicate integrity, a lack of self-monitoring can be seen as combative or socially disengaged.¹ 

Learning how to self-monitor, whether you're naturally a high, medium, or low monitor, can help you recognize behavioral patterns that you might not have noticed before, and give you a toolkit to make small changes to engage in more rewarding social interactions. If self-monitoring is a particular struggle and deciphering which behaviors are suitable for different social contexts is a daily challenge, talking to an expert may be worthwile.¹ However, for people simply wanting to develop their self-monitoring skills, you can do so informally by tracking your behaviors. For example, you can:

1. Build awareness of your behavior and reflect on social contexts: Ask yourself: How am I speaking? What is my body language saying? Who am I with? What outcome do I want? 
2. Experiment with adjustments: Identify simple target behaviors and try them out, for example: smiling more in conversation, speaking slower in meetings, and making eye contact. 
3. Seek feedback: Evaluate how people respond, or get honest feedback from people you trust. Do I seem approachable? How do I come across in meetings?²

It is important to remember that self-monitoring is a skill and, like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Instead of scrutinizing your every move, just try to notice patterns—your goal is not perfection but to connect more with yourself and the people around you. Additionally, be realistic and focus on small adjustments. When looking for feedback, try and let it come naturally—people may make remarks or signal their reactions with things like laughing or nodding.³ And above all, remember we're human! We all make mistakes, have awkward moments, and misread situations from time to time.