Propriety

Did a parent ever say to you, “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?”

This rhetorical question was likely posed after you asked to partake in frowned-upon behavior — whether that was to attend a party, get your ears pierced, or join a hockey league with your friends. Although that question felt patronizing, your parents were communicating that you don’t always need to follow the behavior of others.

If your parents ever told you that you couldn’t wear a tutu to school (“It’s not school-appropriate!”) or taught you not to put your elbows on the dinner table at dinner (“It’s disrespectful!”), they were encouraging propriety. Propriety is “the state or quality of conforming to conventionally accepted standards of behavior or morals.”¹

Conformity and propriety are similar but have a subtle distinction. Conformity is our tendency to change our behavior to fit in with a particular group, while propriety refers to behaving in ways deemed ‘polite’ and honorable. It is about maintaining decorum to seem civilized and classy in the eyes of society.²

Propriety can also be important when it comes to research practices. The American Psychological Association defines propriety standards as “the legal and ethical requirements of an evaluation research study.”³ They are standards that ensure any study conducted is appropriate and aligned with the field’s values.

Although the definitions vary across contexts, the overall essence of propriety lies in the idea that because our actions impact others, we should ensure that they fall in line with appropriate standards. They are often encouraged by parents or other figures of authority who want us to be perceived as proper, upstanding members of society. While conformity can refer to the decision to partake in immoral behaviors because of group pressure, propriety only refers to instances where we behave appropriately in society’s standards.