I mean, not in an “eat-pray-love” kind of way — more in a “why did my phone just recommend a medieval snail meme, followed by DIY dog parkour, followed by yet another elaborate conspiracy theory that Blue Origin was staged” kind of way. Somewhere along the line, our digital footprints became shadows of our identities. With that said, how much of “us” actually lives online now? And what does that mean for how others understand us — and how we understand ourselves?
In today’s newsletter, we’re digging into the tension between digital selves and “real” selves (whatever that even means). As we venture out onto the identity limb of the internet age, we’ll consider how platforms and brands can support healthier relationships with the avatars we've come to inhabit.
Until next time, Gabrielle and the slightly-too-online team @ TDL
đź‘Ż Split screen, split attention, split self. Still feeling Janus-faced? Subscribe to our newsletter here.
How Meta is Facebook? Apparently, quite. A landmark 2013 study revealed that “Likes” could predict private traits — from personality and political views to substance use and parental separation — with eerie precision. The takeaway? Our digital selves don't just reflect who we are; they magnify it.
Context collapse.Self-presentation theory says it’s totally normal to play different parts for different people; your “act” may shift around your boss, your mom, or your ex. But on social media, they all have front row seats. As researcher danah boyd puts it, we’re left scrambling on stage to perform a single act that satisfies everyone.
Meet your data self. Oh wait, you can’t.Companies interact with “algorithmic shadows” composed of clicks, steps, purchases, even typing cadence — all to anticipate your preferences. Sociologist Deborah Lupton says these invisible entities are surprisingly 3D, shaping the ads you see, the content you’re fed, and the jobs you’re recommended.
Not quite. In digital spaces, that alignment gets… glitchy. When our online behavior doesn’t reflect how we actually feel, we experience what psychologists call self-discrepancy: the unsettling gap between our real and ideal selves. And instead of personalizing our profiles to reflect who we are IRL, we sometimes adjust our behaviors to match our aspirational profiles — a phenomenon dubbed the Proteus effect.
So, how can we stay connected to our authentic selves in a hyperconnected world? We’ve rounded up a few practical steps here.
Viewpoints
đź‘Ą Designing for many selves
How can platforms help us navigate the tension between our real and digital selves?Here’s a hint: it’s not about perfect alignment. When it comes down to it, “being yourself online” means getting comfortable with different versions of yourself. In fact, online spaces — especially anonymous ones — can offer safer ground to explore sides of ourselves we might hide offline.
Here’s how platforms can start to embrace this multiplicity:
Reduce social comparison. Instagram hides like counts. BeReal captures unfiltered moments. But are platforms going far enough? One breakthrough study suggests that offering both an “Inspiration” mode (for polished posts) and a “Reality” mode (for candid content) can let users decide how “real” they want their feed.
Embrace digital versatility. Since 2023, Facebook has let users create up to four profiles under one account — for family, friends, or niche interests. It’s a small fix for context collapse, giving users distinct stages to perform on (à la Goffman’s dramaturgical self).
Promote self-interaction. MIT’s “Future You” lets users message an AI-generated version of their 60-year-old self. By strengthening the sense of continuity between present and future identities, the tool fosters empathy across time — nudging users toward wiser, long-term decisions.
Protect users’ data. In the (literal) face of deepfakes, we can’t freely express ourselves online unless our data feels safe. Guardrails ranging from platform-level protections to national legislation can ease our fears of unknowingly training digital clones.
MIT’s Future You brings your older self to life, turning abstract future thinking into tangible conversations.
How do we perceive digital others?
Do you tend to take profiles at pixelated face value?
If so, you can thank naive realism: our belief that we see the world exactly as it is, unbiased and unfiltered. But online, our perception is literally filtered — whether that means users curating their accounts or algorithms secretly shaping who we scroll into.
Then, there’s the fundamental attribution error, which can make us a bit judgy. Swiping through someone’s vacation posts, we might think: Wow, they must really love attention. But when we post a highlight reel of our own? That’s different — we’re just being real!
Ready to peek behind the screens into online psyches beyond your own? Learn more about the biases shaping how we view digital others — and what they reveal about us — on our website.
What’s new at TDL
TDL is hiring! We’re hiring for a number of positions, both remote and based in our Montreal office. Some open roles include:
